another letter

So, you say you didn't block me... but I couldn't see anything on your social media. Whatever. You barely go there anyway so I shouldn't bother, right? I had to do the same thing for you. Just to make me feel better about myself. Because to be honest, that one hurt me a lot.

I have questions that I want to ask you again. But I'm trying not to talk to you for a few days at least so I can feel like I have made some progress on this thing called 'moving on'. So, here I am writing.

Do you ever miss me? In your own process of moving on, do you ever remember the good times we had? And if you do, how do you react? How do you feel? Do you have to stop yourself from missing me, my kiss, my touch, my smell? Do you manage to change your thoughts so easily in a snap of a finger?

Are you already thinking about finding someone else? Or are you hoping for a miracle like me that would bring us back together again?

Do you think we could be together again if I go on therapy?

I am now starting to talk to other people. I forgot how scary it was to put yourself out there. It helps a little bit. It makes me not think about you so much. I don't know what to make out of it. I'm not sure I'm ready to meet any of them face to face. At least not yet.

I guess what I'm trying to find out is if I'm that easy to forget. If you've already forgotten about me and the times we spent together. Did you really love me? Or was it all a lie? How could it be so easy for you? You're saying you've had years of practice. Well, I guess it's time to do some practice myself.

The thought that I'm too easy to forget is not very good for me and my self-esteem. It makes me feel quite small. And all the nice things you've said seem invalid. Did you really think I was beautiful? Smart? And all that. If you did love me, if you thought we could be together for the rest of our lives, then how do you explain us now?

Okay, okay. It's over. We tried and it didn't work out. So, does it really end here? All so easily?

Maybe I just give myself too much credit when it comes to love. It was wrong of me to think that I was worth fighting for. Who did I think I was? I'm just this ordinary girl with a really bad temper. I should not expect more from people. How do I change that? I should bring it up during therapy.