One Sad Sunday

Sundays are usually spent at home... doing nothing. Well, for me nothing means cleaning, arranging, doing the laundry and going to the gym.

Sometimes, nothing means watching something on Netflix while crying my eyes out... and today was one of those.

I was watching Grace and Frankie and hey, I started crying like a baby.

Then I kind of got over it.

Then, I realized that earlier today, I got a recent photo of my dad. (TRIGGER WARNING: Daddy Issues)

So, he looked really skinny and some of his teeth are not there anymore. And I didn't really have any reaction when I first saw the photo this morning. I thought, well he's still alive and whatever. (I'm such a heartless bitch, I know!) But after that binge crying over Grace and Frankie, I just felt extremely sad for him. He's so skinny, he probably has barely nothing to eat. My sister felt so bad for him that she's decided to send him money monthly. My mom will secretly get him insurance and secretly pay for it, I guess. And here I am, saying nothing, contributing nothing. Not that I have a lot to contribute. I am a struggling student in one of the most expensive European countries.

But why did I feel so bad?

It's his fault he ended up this way.

After he and my mom separated, he could have done something to support himself and his sister. He could have, I don't know, found a job and worked to feed himself.

After all, he did finish school. He got a degree in Accounting or whatever.

But I guess not all people are made for 8-5 jobs...?

My sister says he works for someone's farm now. But we all know farmers in my country are poor. They are but exploited labourers of the filthy rich landowner.

Gosh.

He's losing hair, too.

But what can I do?

Nothing.

I can't save everyone.