One of the most important things that I have learned in this lifetime is that it is totally okay to lose friends.
I guess as I become older, I realize that I have no time to waste over people who are not contributing to my personal growth. Yes, it sounds soooo selfish. But at the end of the day, I have to think of my own welfare first because, *knock knock* hello? No one else will.
The reason behind this post is that I have decided to cut ties with a friend lately. And I guess it rippled to her other friends, which is normal because that's what cliques do.
This is not the first time either that I have decided to not be friends with someone. But that doesn't make the process any easier. The first time was in college. I had this friend in Nursing school who became so greedy in getting surgical cases just to finish first. This wasn't the reason why I stopped talking to her though. When we were done with school, she went to work in a hospital with my other friend. I was closer with the former than the latter. And for some reason, this friend kind of said something bad about my close friend, like spreading gossips, you know? Eugh, it was a bad thing she did. She didn't do it to me but I felt bad for my close friend. I just unfriended her on social media without explaining. Days later, she confronted me and I told her the truth. I never talked to her again.
For this time around, the reason why I broke off a friendship is completely different. This ex-friend is a completely nice, sweet person. She would invite me to her house constantly and she would cook for all of us. Really. The reason why I didn't want to be friends with her anymore was how she would react if I declined her invitations. On top of that, she would invite me the last minute as if I had nothing else planned. I would go if I was available, but there would be days when I preferred to stay home in my pajamas, without taking a shower or anything. And this would put her in a weird mood or something. I guess it upset her?
The last straw was when she invited a couple of girls including me to go to her house for some drinks. I was with my officemates then which was completely planned weeks beforehand. Her invitation was just very sudden and spontaneous. None of us could go and she got really, really upset. This was the end for me.
Every time she invited me and I knew I could not come, I would be so stressed out because I knew she would be upset too. It was affecting me a lot. I would be so anxious the next day when we would meet at school or something. I realized I could not handle it anymore. So I stopped talking to her after that weird invitation. She had organized a party as well. I decided not to go since we weren't talking. And that was it.
She didn't confront me until three months after. She said she was heartbroken that I stopped talking to her. By this time, I guess I was over it. I thought I would prefer being alone than having friends who would stress me out.
She unfriended / unfollowed me in social media and I knew it was the end.
Her other friends did the same, too. And I kind of understand why they did that. I mean, for their age, they can still be petty if they wanted to. I don't blame them. I'm not exactly the best friend they could ask for.
It has been quite lonely on my end. But looking back to the things that happened, I think I prefer to be this way. We only did things that they wanted to do, anyway. They never wanted to do things that I wanted to do, maybe because it involved spending? But I'm not sure since these girls spend more money on make up and other things. I would invite them to the movies, or have brunch on Sundays. But they would tell me they didn't have money. Next thing I know, they go shopping for crazy expensive things. So, yeah... I also asked them if they wanted to travel with me... They said yes at first but when I told them the budget was this much, they backed out. So in the end, I travelled without them. I got tired of waiting. And my feet were itching to get out of town.
I still miss them sometimes. But I think this is for the best. I am hoping that I don't see them on the street or at university anymore. Just so I could move on quicker. (Who am I kidding? I don't know how to move on.)
I have to accept my decision and learn to live with the consequences. I am not worried. I know I will find other friends. The world is a very big place so I am not worried at all.
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