As you can tell, I haven't written for a while.

A lot has happened then.

I've started therapy to help me manage my anxiety. The thing is this thing is costing quite a lot of money though. But the therapy is really helping. I've learned some techniques on how to react and behave in stressful situations. I've noticed that I'm able to sleep better as well.

I've also sent him a list of things that I would like in our relationship. And of course he said they were too much. For the record, I asked for phone calls every other night, video call once or twice a week, flowers twice a year, that he make an account on this social media that I'm in (so it would be easier to tag him in funny things) and that he put ONE picture of me and him on his social media, we visit each other every two months, and that I take pictures of us every time we travel or go somewhere.

I've decided to stop talking to him completely as advised by my therapist. Says I need to really go through the mourning process and the fact that I'm still talking to my ex is just adding a dollop of pain to my feelings. So it's been two days now that I haven't talked to him. I told him not to talk to me as well because I'm afraid if I didn't, he would still talk to me and ask me how I'm doing from time to time. My goal is to at least not talk to him for three weeks - that's until my next session. At least I will be proud of myself when I tell my therapist that I didn't talk to my ex for three weeks. It's really scary because I'm afraid I won't be strong enough to resist when he contacts me at some point within the three weeks. I hope he doesn't and that he leaves me alone.

Lastly, I wanna say that I've started talking to other boys again on this dating app. I went to my first movie date yesterday. Although it wasn't a big success (I don't think he liked me), I'm happy that I went. The movie was really good though. I might someone else this afternoon. Or this evening. I don't know. We'll see.

I'm just taking things slow for now. Meeting people. No expectations. If they don't like me, it's completely okay. I'm not sure I'm ready to be in a serious relationship yet. But I also know I have to be careful with whom I sleep with. Haha. No glove, no love!

I'm not saying I don't think about my ex anymore. I still think about him. And I remember all the good times we had. I keep wishing to have them back. But I also tell myself that that's impossible. And it helps thinking about the fact that we won't really have a future if he doesn't change his attitude. He's too stubborn, too idealistic. I wish him all the best in life, really. But I have to move on. It will hurt. It already does. But if I love myself and if I want myself to find a suitable partner, I have to really let him go.