We've broken up twice in the whole year that we're together. We usually end up getting back together after 3-4 days because I guess that's how much we "need" each other, eh?
I guess the problem is that I can't stop from being so clingy and he can't change his way from being so mediocre. There, I said it. He's mediocre. He settles for the average. For what's easy. He won't go looking for alternative solutions. And I know I'm no queen of anything, but my pride tells me that I deserve maybe a little bit more than what I'm getting. Maybe this is just me and my high expectations from a relationship. And I blame all the rom-com movies for that. Damn you, hollywood.
I think I'm too demanding and he's too lazy or stubborn or both. I asked him to give me flowers and to write me a letter but he hasn't done either of those. Flowers, he says, are too expensive and will end up dead at some point. The letter, well, he says he doesn't know what to write in it. Isn't he romantic? (yes, that was sarcasm)
Right now, he's got one more week in his school thing and I've never felt so neglected in this relationship. I barely get to talk to him. He can't even make time to call me. And if he does, I only get to hear the highlight(s) of his day for 5 minutes (or less). And his excuse is because he's too busy with the school thing and he wants to concentrate and focus more on the exercises. So, what's your girl gon' do, huh? Well, she's stuck blogging her out while feeling soooo alone in her tiny studio apartment.
Tonight is probably the third night that I will cry myself to sleep. I can only wish things to get better from here. But I know it won't. In my heart, I know it will get worse.
I've been acting really unpleasant towards him because he can't seem to understand what I need or want. Or maybe he does but he refuses to do it. I guess I'm not worth the effort?
Sometimes, I wish for the day that I will no longer need him so much, that I will stop crying and stop feeling sorry for myself. Sometimes, I wish we hadn't got back together so I can finally start moving on from him. This is so exhausting. We started this relationship and he would visit me every weekend. Then it got too expensive so it became every two weeks. And then he signs up for this school so far away and I don't know, we might have to see each other every six weeks. And that's the best case scenario. Six weeks? Six friggin' long weeks. It's gonna get really messy. I'm sure.
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